I’m trying to be strong for you both. I can’t believe how happy and excited we were with the news that you would both be ours; hope and faith were renewed ever so briefly. As I analyze everything I did and thought for those 9 weeks wondering if I could have done more or if I did too much; I realize it was never in my hands. I can’t imagine my heart will ever stop aching or that I will ever stop wanting you two. You were and will always be our miracles, our one that became two, and our two that left us too soon. Please know that we love you and will always carry you in our hearts. One day we will meet again.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Like Strawberry Wine
I smile thinking back to when I first laid eyes on him. We were 17 (reminds me of the song “Strawberry Wine”) and completely unsuspecting that something very powerful was about to take over us. We fell pretty hard, and we continued to fall hard through college. For a short time after college we took a break to “find ourselves”. We knew when we came back together it would be forever. I can’t even describe the connection we've always had except to say its complete adoration for one another.
Getting married was as it is for most, a very big time in our lives. We became a unit. We weren’t quite ready to start a family, so we enjoyed our time together; bought a house, focused on our careers, and got a puppy. It was fun. Until that point in our lives we were completely unaware of what was to come.
I had a feeling, call it my women’s intuition, that getting pregnant would be a challenge. I’m sure it also had something to do with me having had health issues which led to my surgery in late 2005 to remove my pelvic adhesions and uterine fibroids. The doctors could never give me a definitive reason why that happened, nor did my OBGYN bother to mention how that could impact my fertility.
So began our adventure in baby making. We were so excited about TTC, and actually got to enjoy it for a few months. Each passing month my intuition grew stronger that something just wasn’t right in my body. We started our IF journey, and month after month we learned more about the issues that were standing in our way of starting our family. It seemed our bad news came in stages, and each stage was worse than the one before. Through it all we thought IVF would be there. If all else failed we could get pregnant through IVF. It seemed simple enough, but once we finally got rolling with trying cycle after cycle they were all cancelled due to my funny little ovaries that just don’t want to cooperate. Don’t they know they’re mucking it all up for us?
We finally got to complete a cycle. You know you’re infertile when you’re happy to have at least completed an IVF cycle, even if it was unsuccessful. Of course, we weren’t happy, we were completely devastated. We know that with each passing cycle our funds dwindle and the future big decisions we thought we would never have to make become more imminent. Honestly, the only thing that makes this bearable is him. He loves me unconditionally. You think you know what that means and then IF strikes. You’re at your complete worst: depressed, sad, grieving, hopeless, jealous and just plain hurt; and he’s there looking on the bright side, he’s got you.
Getting married was as it is for most, a very big time in our lives. We became a unit. We weren’t quite ready to start a family, so we enjoyed our time together; bought a house, focused on our careers, and got a puppy. It was fun. Until that point in our lives we were completely unaware of what was to come.
I had a feeling, call it my women’s intuition, that getting pregnant would be a challenge. I’m sure it also had something to do with me having had health issues which led to my surgery in late 2005 to remove my pelvic adhesions and uterine fibroids. The doctors could never give me a definitive reason why that happened, nor did my OBGYN bother to mention how that could impact my fertility.
So began our adventure in baby making. We were so excited about TTC, and actually got to enjoy it for a few months. Each passing month my intuition grew stronger that something just wasn’t right in my body. We started our IF journey, and month after month we learned more about the issues that were standing in our way of starting our family. It seemed our bad news came in stages, and each stage was worse than the one before. Through it all we thought IVF would be there. If all else failed we could get pregnant through IVF. It seemed simple enough, but once we finally got rolling with trying cycle after cycle they were all cancelled due to my funny little ovaries that just don’t want to cooperate. Don’t they know they’re mucking it all up for us?
We finally got to complete a cycle. You know you’re infertile when you’re happy to have at least completed an IVF cycle, even if it was unsuccessful. Of course, we weren’t happy, we were completely devastated. We know that with each passing cycle our funds dwindle and the future big decisions we thought we would never have to make become more imminent. Honestly, the only thing that makes this bearable is him. He loves me unconditionally. You think you know what that means and then IF strikes. You’re at your complete worst: depressed, sad, grieving, hopeless, jealous and just plain hurt; and he’s there looking on the bright side, he’s got you.
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